hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
