That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
