You're completely useless in the revolution.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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