this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
