it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
