I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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