And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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