so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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