i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
