Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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