She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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