I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
