I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
