im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
