he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
