I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
