i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
