and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
