Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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