apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
