Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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