I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
