My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
