Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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