i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
