Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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