so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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