I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Randomize
