it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
