i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We left the knife in your bed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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