Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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