Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
