I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
