My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
