forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
