someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
