So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
