i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
