Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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