I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
