I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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