Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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