I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
