I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
