ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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