I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
