Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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