My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
