got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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