I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
