Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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